Typical ‘Squatch Behavior

January 1st was the beginning of a new year, and the beginning of the second season of Finding Bigfoot on Animal Planet. The show follows four current and former members of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization as they investigate sightings of bigfoot in North America.

The team consists of three believers (Matt Moneymaker, Cliff Barackman and James “Bobo” Fay), and one skeptic (Ranae Holland). The believers are always convinced they have found bigfoot and the skeptic remains the skeptic. Holland is the lone scientist of the group which makes the show a reality The X-Files.

The one constant throughout the show is how the believers can make any evidence into “typical ‘squatch behavior.” Here is a list of habits I did not realize was “typical ‘squatch behavior”

– The leading cause of death for bigfoots is bigfoot on bigfoot crime.

– If lost a bigfoot will scream. If a fellow bigfoot is nearby they will respond with catcalls and Arsenio “woofs.” Many cryptozoologists believe this is due to a plane dropping a VHS copy of Coming to America into the Oregon forest in 1990.

– Juvenile bigfoots love Blue’s Clues, and can be found near homes with Nickelodeon.

– To scare a bigfoot do an impression of Jerry Lewis. If you cannot do a Jerry Lewis impression try Rodney Dangerfield or Fran Drescher.

– In 1943, Fred Saperstein (brother of Harlem Globetrotters founder Abe) put together a barnstorming basketball team of bigfoots. From 1943-1954 the team went 123-2 with its only losses coming from the Bill Russell led University of San Francisco Dons. 

– Female bigfoots get manicures, but not pedicures.

– Bigfoots really hate it when humans imitate them. 

– The comedian of choice for most bigfoots is Gallagher. Carrot Top is a close second. Bigfoots enjoy prop comedy, and have been witnessed performing prop comedy routines in the wild. Bigfoots hate Gallagher II.

– Bigfoots are afraid of Arcade Fire.

– Do not play reggae music at your campsite. Bigfoots are known rastafarians.

and

– Bigfoots by nature are staunch conservatives. 

Finding Bigfoot airs Sunday nights at 10pm on Animal Planet. This week the group heads to the wilds of Rhode Island. 

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